No real solution Print
Written by Michelle   
Dear Paul.

I've visited your website a number of times to read other internet user's emails & articles. I read the email from Janice, from the UK tonight which is almost a mirror image of my own experience, except that my mother is still alive - just physically as well as mentally very ill. It's amazing as I read all of the accounts from different people with so many common experiences, feelings, and behaviours, both by the adult children, and the sick parents.
Unlike Janice, I left home at 13 to become a foster child, as my mother was highly delusional. She was violent & hallucinated both voices & visions. She was quite positive that she was a "prophet" of God, and was being persued by alien spirits, trying to trick her into sinning so she'd go to Hell. Eventually, Christ himself became an alien, and Heaven a frozen wasteland where "saved" spirits would live eternity in cold, mindless devotion. She packed our whole house up in boxes ready for a move to a "holy farm" & we were not allowed to associate with other people, our whole lives revolving around prayer & bible readings. She would often make us fast for over a week at a time when the "things" told her she had to. Her delusions have changed a lot over time (I'm now 31) but are still just as vivid. She has never had any treatment for her illness - we lived in a country town, and while she hid her condition well, even though the results of physical abuse on me & my sister was clearly visible to anyone (including teachers), no-one wanted to "get involved". Now, all these years later, I've had only limited & occasional contact until about 6 months ago when she found my address & phone number and has been calling & writing, begging & pleading with me to be her daughter again, and to look after her as she is now physically unwell. My older sister, after a longer period of no contact, who has a young daughter, had contact with her over the last two years, but her husband has now forbidden contact of any type. Our mother criticized everything about my sister & her life - she can be a very nasty & spiteful person - and had my sister in such a state that she was contemplating suicide. The last straw was when at my sister's still-born son's cremation, our mother announced to all present that my sister's evil ways were the reason her baby was dead - that she was responsible for killing her child.

With that, my brother in law drove our mother home - over 500kms - immediately, and she has been banished. She still has nothing good to say at all about my sister when she writes to me, despite the chance at a new start being offered. Our mother's physical abuse was very severe indeed toward my sister - worse than mine, and any chance at all to re-establish a relationship was a generous offer by my sister. The rest of my family has pretty much disowned my mother, and me (when I left home at 13), so now it's just me that my mother wants in her life. The thing is, I know what it means to be in her life, and I simply don't want to be! I can't do it. I don't want to ruin the rest of my life with her. She won't get treatment anyway, so her condition will be constant. I believe I am a warm & compassionate person, and have no tolerance for cruelty, violence or spite, but I can honestly say that for once in my life - and hopefully the only time in my life, despite having no hate or even bad wishes for my mother, I really wish she would die. I don't know that the guilt, and torn emotions of feeling you should help, but wanting to run the other way as fast as you can, would be any worse if she were gone.

Thanks for your site